The time machine must be broken

Hi.

Ironically, I'm a bit late to wish ya'lls a merry christmas, but not if I'm aiming at 2017 or why the fuck not, 2050. I, the author of this blog, will be 70 years old by then, and I will feel good that I already paid my dues of spreading love and good wishes for all. I will have probably forgotten I did because, shit, my friend who pays for this domain name will probably have stopped by then, and unless he buys it for 100 years in advanced, like tonight, this place will be gone soon. A blog without its own .com domain is as good as dead.

Nelson, if you're reading this, please don't abandon this domain. I promise I will keep writing my delirious shit on here to keep it alive. I just can't afford paying for it.

Let's face it. This is a good idea, and it's just about time for it to get traction and become a thing.  A money making thing. Share, read and comment this website: Www.Christmasuptheass.com

Either way, we can always sell xmas themed diapers and toilet paper, as I originally planned.

I'm serious. This is good stuff. Love and peace are good utopic ideas. Lennon wrote that song. You know which one (and if you don't you're a millenial bitch monkey and... ok it's called Happy christmas, war is over. Click here to listen to it), and there's this crazy fucking Sinatra song which could much be this blog's official anthem.

Here it is: 1947 Frank Sinatra - Christmas Dreaming (A Little Early This Year)

Wow.

Irony is just fucking everywhere. 1947, the year that song was made. Two years after the end of WW2. Today, all these years later, the nazis have resurrected in the minds of young jew fag yuppies and old fat perverts. They are taking over the world. Black presidents have proven to be just wolves in sheep's clothing, or more accurately, white imperialist warlords. The establishment's reaction? Give them the novel peace price for murdering civilians with flying robots.

It's christmas. Time to give, and take what you gave back and more. America, a beacon of idiocy, intervention, deflection and war crimes.

Ok. Come on. Don't get all gloomy on me. I'm just saying we can do better and that's why I hope someone drops a comment on here at least once every year. I know. Blogs are dead. Facebook is it. Twitter is it. Nobody reads this far into a text anymore because, hey, it's easier to get some katharsis through a one click retweet of some random sentences you want to appear to agree to, or some article you haven't read.

Next year, 2017 will be good. They are releasing sequels to Trainspotting, and Blade Runner, a remake of It, and one of American Werewolf in London. It appears as though humanity were dead already. A bunch of ghosts in denial.

Hugs. Kisses. And a big punch in the gut for all three of you who read this blog.


P.

Merry Christmas 2026

I hope you've all had amazing shit happen to you this year. It has been crazy good for me. So crazy I didn't even have time to set up my christmas tree. Yeah, I bought one of those plastic, all around "green" trees and didn't even get around to setting it up and decorating it. What a bummer. But I'll spend it with family and surrounded by love and real good food.

Let's make this the year of christmas-in-advance every day and show all those other religions and every other human being who thinks different to us that Christmas is all, Christmas is love, Christmas is John Lennon being shot by a fucking loon and that gun violence, police brutality and short term labor contracts are all you need, so that humanity can finally embrace crucifixion and magic as the true science of love in order to push our reality forward in a meaningful way. What the fuck am I saying?

Hugs, kisses and thanks to everyone who visits this website.

satan

Here's a pic of the devil

merry christmas

you're going to see merry christmas if I'm elected

“I love Christmas.You go to stores now, and it doesn’t say Christmas. It says ‘Happy holidays.’ All over! I say, where’s Christmas? I tell my wife, ‘Don’t go to those stores.’ I want to see Christmas! Other people can have their holidays, but Christmas is Christmas. I want to see ‘Merry Christmas.’ Remember the expression ‘Merry Christmas?’ You don’t see it. You’re going to see it if I’m elected.”

(source: This salon article)

That was Donald Trump. Something is up. 

Something is fucked

I'm sorry. I just needed to post all these photos first, before doing anything. I know it's been ages since things work this way. Shit is done, planned for, marketing produced way before it actually happens. Everything is pre-meditatedly perfected to get a certain result, a certain fool to buy a certain thing he or she doesn't need.

I don't know why it keeps blowing my mind. But it does, maybe in a morbid way. So I couldn't help but take a few screens the other day when the new host of the Late Show mentioned the pope had the power to move christmas up a few months to be on September the 25th. Stephen Colbert, the host of this extremely popular tv show, offered the pope a "humble" chair for him to come visit and sit on it. Truth is, the chair is the kind you would see wrestlers cracking onto each other's backs.

Even Charles Manson made it into the show. Manson, a Santa Claus like icon of American Pop Culture comparable to Marilyn Monroe, was used in a guessing game where Trump had to say whose quote was showing on the screen. The two options were Colbert and Trump himself. The last quote got him suspicious and he was able to throw it back by saying "it might be you. It's not me." And whose did it turn out to be? Well, none other than Manson's. 

 

Trump played along like a frat boy and somehow appeared to praise himself, or the production of the show or both for such a tough question. "Ooohhh. That was tough!" he howled condescendingly.

Hahahah. Oh, baby jesus.

I don't know but it is like christmas on TV. So good, while shit is on fire all over the real world, and it's just getting worse for more people. Punk zombies have it specially bad as shown on the documentary series Fear The Walking Dead :(

Time frames

Merry Christmas!

Someone posted this picture on twitter. It shows "pan de muerto" a type of bread typically made for and sold during Día de Muertos, Day of the dead, which is in November (1 and 2).

It's the very beginning of August... and this is bread we're talking about (not silicone masks or something non-perishable).  I'm not sure how good of an idea is it to sell this so fucking early. That's one thing I don't think I've seen stores rush into, for example, selling the turkeys 3 months in advance. That'd kind of be overkill for food.

Something far more mysterious seems to be taking place here. Let's stay vigilant.

Sexy christmas.

Don't worry. I'm alright.

Although, it's getting hot, 

and I feel like I'm melting

Like a snow flake on the beach

There's nothing left

until next December

Maybe I will come back to life,

like a phoenix made of ice.

I'll be there, ready with my santa suit

heavy with presents and loss

You be too, ready with your sexy undies.

I'm alright.

Hanging in there until next christmas,

because it's never too early

to tell the world it's ok to dream of white.

Merry Christmas 2015

It's finally here. Oh holy christmas!

It's always appropriate to recommend some movies for this season, in case you're a grinch asshat claiming to "hate christmas" — let me tell you something. You're a dick in need of attention or some kind of religious fanatic. Christmas is all about watching movies alone in your room and breaking the rules.

Like this Mexican kid —Fernando Barcenas Castillo — who burned the fuck out of a coca cola tree last year and recently got sentenced to 5 years, 9 months in prison..

(source)

Now, that's something.


So, here are some movies to watch during your lonely christmas tantrum while the rest of us celebrate winter solstice with our loved ones:

You will notice I threw in the remake of Carrie, which doesn't really have shit to do with christmas.

I'm not sure if it was the christian propaganda I was fed at age 12, but I always think about TK and blood when I think christmas. Am I alone in this?

Carrie 2013

Gremlins 1984

Bad Santa 2003

Eyes Wide Shut 1999

Batman Returns 1992

A Christmas Story 1983

Hope and Glory 1987

Twelve Monkeys 1995

I specially recommend Hope and Glory if you haven't seen it.

You could get it for free from thepiratebay, but it's down so you'll need to suck it up and go to your local dvd store.. oh wait, those are closed. Ok, order it online, or perhaps it will be on youtube somewhere. 

Ok. I got to go.

But hey, one last thing:

"The Freedom For Animals Association on Second Avenue is the secret headquarters of the Army of the Twelve Monkeys. They're the ones who're going to do it. I can't do any more. I have to go now. Have a merry Christmas!"

When you watch 12 monkeys and you hear the garbled message that the scientists play for Cole, come back here.

With that tone, I say to all you three that read this blog:

Have a merry christmas, 2015!

Yes. Catch up, fuckers.

HO, HO, HO!

What the hell? Where have you been? 

It's been a cold winter, since around the beginning of November... I've been out there lighting up some fire to keep warm as I've been thinking about this: 

A fat, white man, calling out for prostitutes, riding a flying sleigh pulled by drunken deer. Don't you think, without getting to political, that this is exactly what America's foreign policy and role in the world are like?

I've been a "simpsons" hater for as far as I can remember, and ironically —contradictorily if you will— I love Futurama. I think it may be the sci-fi, time travel related theme of it. From that show I remember a mechanic santa character from hell whose job was to terrify everyone during christmas with heavy weaponry to ensure some sincere embracing in the face of death. Well, it looks like all these poor brown countries are getting what they asked for —some prosperity in the form of so-called low intensity wars, a fairly considerable intensity war fueled by drug prohibition rhetoric, land grabs by big corporations with the help of drug cartels, student witch-hunts, kidnappings, killings. Like I said, someone's been lighting up the fire to push us closer to our loved ones... in fear.

Peter Gabriel dedicated one of his communist songs to the students in Mexico. It's a song I particularly like —you know, memories and shit— called Biko.

Anyways, I never allow all of that shit to bring me down during oh holy christmas. Which is why I keep downloading tv shows and shit to keep distracted from all that horror, which is not really touching me yet in my comfy Bourgeoisie-in-denial life, but something tells me it may soon.

These are some images from the tv show "Hannibal" about a nutty psychiatrist who eats people and fucks with the minds of his patients, including cops and feds. Good show.

Does it make sense now?

I've had people tell me that Christmasuptheass makes no sense. That it's too exaggerated an idea.  I've had to explain that stores get so hungry for sucker consumerists that they begin pushing Christmas a bit too early, and it seems to be getting earlier every year. But I guess those people's brains have already been picked up and swallowed by time traveling Santas from other planets and they can't even tell anymore. Shit, yeah. Maybe aliens are a good scape goat. 

Anyways, here's an image taken at "Liverpool," a famous Mexican department store (kinda like macys). Date? Grab your crotch: September 7, 2014.

Come on. Tell me I'm exaggerating, or maybe we are just getting ready for the 2013 Xmas a bit too late?

I don't care what you think. I posted it here: I am ready for the following Christmas since the 26th of December. Just love it that much.

We're under attack.

Go get those christmas haters, Bill.

Being happy, getting gifts, getting drunk is something we should do Every Day.

I thought it'd be nice to wait until the 24th, 25th of each month to publish here but, well, I got christmas signs popping up all around. ♫"I saw the sign, and it opened up my eyes"♫ - you know?

Christmas makes you spread the cheeks of your heart, if you know what I mean.

Check this image out, for example. It's from the movie "The Unknown Woman" (read about the movie here) where this sex enslaved woman gets the crap kicked out of her by two evil santas, all while snow flakes fall around them.

Sick shit. Santa doesn't kill people, people kill people.

TropiChristmas

Elvis is cool. He always was, or is, whatever. But there's also been something fishy about him.

Do you remember that movie, Death Becomes Her? (you can check it out on this new --to me-- movie website: letterboxd.com) I think that's a pretty good theory of what happened to Elvis. He went into some sort of underground secret society that nobody knows about. Yes that is a bit reiterative, I mean, elvis is more like a hawaiian guy, too. So why did he record a Christmas album? Don't tell me that doesn't get your tin foil hats spinning.

I'm sure that has some relation, in a mind control type way  --whether intended or not-- to the Christmas in June phenomena that's taking over the atmospheres of once easily identifiable seasons, like a social climate change nightmare.

What do you think about Christmas...? in March

I asked my roomate what he thinks about christmas and he shrugged and said "Nothing. It's a tradition. People only use it as a ways to drinking."

And so what? Alcohol is not as bad as they made it seem during prohibition. Right?

It's been a rough couple of weeks. March madness, they call it. 

I could definitely use a snow-cone.

why?

Welcome, bitch monkeys.

You love and loathe christmas all at the same time. You're ready for it since fucking September.


You're also like that little girl on the Gremlins movie. Your dad died stuck in the chimney trying to play santa for you. It turned you into a self hating christian. Because, santa claus is all about jesus too in a way. I mean they both have that stupid beard, just santa looks more sophisticated because he is white (not an arab jew) and has a white beard. Like santa. Yeah!

It all makes sense. I promise. Now, let's get that printed toilet paper, and get started.