Merry Christmas 2015

It's finally here. Oh holy christmas!

It's always appropriate to recommend some movies for this season, in case you're a grinch asshat claiming to "hate christmas" — let me tell you something. You're a dick in need of attention or some kind of religious fanatic. Christmas is all about watching movies alone in your room and breaking the rules.

Like this Mexican kid —Fernando Barcenas Castillo — who burned the fuck out of a coca cola tree last year and recently got sentenced to 5 years, 9 months in prison..

(source)

Now, that's something.


So, here are some movies to watch during your lonely christmas tantrum while the rest of us celebrate winter solstice with our loved ones:

You will notice I threw in the remake of Carrie, which doesn't really have shit to do with christmas.

I'm not sure if it was the christian propaganda I was fed at age 12, but I always think about TK and blood when I think christmas. Am I alone in this?

Carrie 2013

Gremlins 1984

Bad Santa 2003

Eyes Wide Shut 1999

Batman Returns 1992

A Christmas Story 1983

Hope and Glory 1987

Twelve Monkeys 1995

I specially recommend Hope and Glory if you haven't seen it.

You could get it for free from thepiratebay, but it's down so you'll need to suck it up and go to your local dvd store.. oh wait, those are closed. Ok, order it online, or perhaps it will be on youtube somewhere. 

Ok. I got to go.

But hey, one last thing:

"The Freedom For Animals Association on Second Avenue is the secret headquarters of the Army of the Twelve Monkeys. They're the ones who're going to do it. I can't do any more. I have to go now. Have a merry Christmas!"

When you watch 12 monkeys and you hear the garbled message that the scientists play for Cole, come back here.

With that tone, I say to all you three that read this blog:

Have a merry christmas, 2015!

Yes. Catch up, fuckers.

HO, HO, HO!

What the hell? Where have you been? 

It's been a cold winter, since around the beginning of November... I've been out there lighting up some fire to keep warm as I've been thinking about this: 

A fat, white man, calling out for prostitutes, riding a flying sleigh pulled by drunken deer. Don't you think, without getting to political, that this is exactly what America's foreign policy and role in the world are like?

I've been a "simpsons" hater for as far as I can remember, and ironically —contradictorily if you will— I love Futurama. I think it may be the sci-fi, time travel related theme of it. From that show I remember a mechanic santa character from hell whose job was to terrify everyone during christmas with heavy weaponry to ensure some sincere embracing in the face of death. Well, it looks like all these poor brown countries are getting what they asked for —some prosperity in the form of so-called low intensity wars, a fairly considerable intensity war fueled by drug prohibition rhetoric, land grabs by big corporations with the help of drug cartels, student witch-hunts, kidnappings, killings. Like I said, someone's been lighting up the fire to push us closer to our loved ones... in fear.

Peter Gabriel dedicated one of his communist songs to the students in Mexico. It's a song I particularly like —you know, memories and shit— called Biko.

Anyways, I never allow all of that shit to bring me down during oh holy christmas. Which is why I keep downloading tv shows and shit to keep distracted from all that horror, which is not really touching me yet in my comfy Bourgeoisie-in-denial life, but something tells me it may soon.

These are some images from the tv show "Hannibal" about a nutty psychiatrist who eats people and fucks with the minds of his patients, including cops and feds. Good show.

Does it make sense now?

I've had people tell me that Christmasuptheass makes no sense. That it's too exaggerated an idea.  I've had to explain that stores get so hungry for sucker consumerists that they begin pushing Christmas a bit too early, and it seems to be getting earlier every year. But I guess those people's brains have already been picked up and swallowed by time traveling Santas from other planets and they can't even tell anymore. Shit, yeah. Maybe aliens are a good scape goat. 

Anyways, here's an image taken at "Liverpool," a famous Mexican department store (kinda like macys). Date? Grab your crotch: September 7, 2014.

Come on. Tell me I'm exaggerating, or maybe we are just getting ready for the 2013 Xmas a bit too late?

I don't care what you think. I posted it here: I am ready for the following Christmas since the 26th of December. Just love it that much.

We're under attack.

Go get those christmas haters, Bill.

Being happy, getting gifts, getting drunk is something we should do Every Day.

I thought it'd be nice to wait until the 24th, 25th of each month to publish here but, well, I got christmas signs popping up all around. ♫"I saw the sign, and it opened up my eyes"♫ - you know?

Christmas makes you spread the cheeks of your heart, if you know what I mean.

Check this image out, for example. It's from the movie "The Unknown Woman" (read about the movie here) where this sex enslaved woman gets the crap kicked out of her by two evil santas, all while snow flakes fall around them.

Sick shit. Santa doesn't kill people, people kill people.

TropiChristmas

Elvis is cool. He always was, or is, whatever. But there's also been something fishy about him.

Do you remember that movie, Death Becomes Her? (you can check it out on this new --to me-- movie website: letterboxd.com) I think that's a pretty good theory of what happened to Elvis. He went into some sort of underground secret society that nobody knows about. Yes that is a bit reiterative, I mean, elvis is more like a hawaiian guy, too. So why did he record a Christmas album? Don't tell me that doesn't get your tin foil hats spinning.

I'm sure that has some relation, in a mind control type way  --whether intended or not-- to the Christmas in June phenomena that's taking over the atmospheres of once easily identifiable seasons, like a social climate change nightmare.

What do you think about Christmas...? in March

I asked my roomate what he thinks about christmas and he shrugged and said "Nothing. It's a tradition. People only use it as a ways to drinking."

And so what? Alcohol is not as bad as they made it seem during prohibition. Right?

It's been a rough couple of weeks. March madness, they call it. 

I could definitely use a snow-cone.

why?

Welcome, bitch monkeys.

You love and loathe christmas all at the same time. You're ready for it since fucking September.


You're also like that little girl on the Gremlins movie. Your dad died stuck in the chimney trying to play santa for you. It turned you into a self hating christian. Because, santa claus is all about jesus too in a way. I mean they both have that stupid beard, just santa looks more sophisticated because he is white (not an arab jew) and has a white beard. Like santa. Yeah!

It all makes sense. I promise. Now, let's get that printed toilet paper, and get started.